There is a Terrorist in my Toilet

The Feds have a big black building where they listen in to calls to Grandma. Now, POTUS Obamus the Usurping Prevaricator wants to check out all your internet activities, too.

According to Fox News, The Obama administration is developing plans that would require all Internet-based communication services — such as encrypted BlackBerry e-mail, Facebook, and Skype — to be capable of complying with federal wiretap orders. Hey, don’t forget You Tube and all the online Photo Albums, as they are certain to be utilized by terrorists for multi-lingual communications!

National security officials and federal law enforcement argue their ability to eavesdrop on terror suspects is increasingly “going dark” as more communication takes place via Internet services. The bill, which the White House plans to deliver to Congress next year, would require communication service providers be technically capable of intercepting and decrypting messages.

According to some reliable sources, the Government is feeling a strong need to control one of the last areas of freedom of access to worldwide un-edited news content. Once they get access to all the internet traffic, it is easy to do a Chinese Communist style take-over and control all internet information access. All in the guise of terrorists are hiding in your closet and using your computer. “We are from the Government, and we are here to protect you!”

Now, for the next area of intrusion, I have noticed that the plumbing in our house is totally unprotected from terrorist attack. Why, just imagine all those Home Grown Terrorists (Govt. description of Tea Party attendees) out there (maybe hiding in the same closet as the internet terrorists) just waiting to stuff high explosives in my toilet, causing lots of havoc and damage to all who would sit on the “Ivory Throne.”

I demand immediate attention to this potentially hazardous type of attack. I demand that POTUS Obamus the Prevaricating Usurper propose legislation to put a bureaucrat in my bathroom to protect me from discharging digitally encrypted methane emissions.

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